![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=91.6){kind=small}
contentGood evening my young readers~~
First of.. (I guess I should give this a regular place in my blogs) I want to apologize.
My computer has been dying on me the past 2 months.
Now.. to start of with the most asked question in history.. '
For the first time in 3 the past 3 years.. I feel different. I realllllly like my job. my school days at my current much beloved
is coming to it's end. in 2 weeks I am scheduled to do my final exams. and gratuate. at least I hope.
At home.. I got used to life as it's 'supposed to be'. I now have a normal family containing a mom, dad, dog and me!
I have to cherish these 4 months I have left with them before becoming an independent woman who will go life on her own again.
although a lot is not perfect yet. I am working hard on changing my feelings. and letting people in more. I need to realize that this is my family now.
I have started excersizing a lot. routine 3 times zumba a week. and 2 times running.. while walking the dog atleast 1 time a day (and yes that takes about 45 minutes). I started drinking more water now. and eating a lot less. My mom is warning me at the moment. saying I am to stressed about how I look.
To be honest. I always was bigger than normal. and I really liked myself and the way I looked. Even tho I was bullied by my older brother and sister about my weight, it never bothered me. about a year ago.. I started getting more fashion sense.. NO I was not going with the trends.. (at least not to much) but was developing my own style.
and then recently.. I started to get obsessed with korean girls.
So I guess I have to tell you this story :)
in the 5 years that I know my 'asian' addiction (started with anime. went to music then to drama's and culture at the same time) I always liked the boy groups .. because. to be frank. I just didn't like the girls :P
They are terrible singers ! although I still think that of japanese singers.. I have to admit some korean girls have good voices. but thats not what I wanted to talk about. Since I started liking a few girlgroups. It got to my attention that asians have preferances to what they want to see now a days. an example is: they like girls with long legs, and baby faces, and something with their eyelids.. haha. tho I have non of the things I just said.. T_T.. when I look at the profile of the stars they have shocking weight numbers and heightnumbers.
I have to be honest.. since then I got a lot more aware of my situation.. Altho I tell my mom not to worry.. I am not NOT eating or anything. But I know that from the 3 plates I am eating at night.. I can be satisfied with only 1.5 and later maybe only 1. don't think I am starving myself! people who know me in person know that I LOVE food. and eat a LOT..
so when the new year resolutions came. I started with wanting to just be healthier (because my health is not so good) and now. I am more and more obsessed with how I think I should look like.
Yes I know photoshoped girls.. and yess I know they are stars.
but I can't help myself wanting to look the same.
it's funny.. how hate turnes to envy.. I really didn't like snsd.. I still don't like them. sometimes I am in the mood for their songs.. mindlessly they remind me of a girlgroup here in the netherlands called K3. just a song I can put my mind on blank and dream.. or something like that.
and now.. even when I do look them up on youtube.. I keep staring at their figures.
So.. I went from.. caring about how my clothes looked to, now how I look.
anyways.. just wanted to share it with somebody.
then last but not least.. my love w-inds.
finally their 10th anniversary came.. it's really a shame it was under not so good sircumstances.. just 3/4 days before their anniversary the earthquake/tsunami came. my heart went out to everyone in the region of sendai and the w-indsworldwide fans who just arrived or were going to arrive in tokyo. I was happy when finally 2 days later we knew everyone withing this group was save.
I actually really want to go to japan now. and help in Sendai. it's so weird.. that when hurricane catrina came. or any other major disaster. I didn't feel so sad as I did now. I really want to do something to help them. and with that I don't mean donation.
then my w-inds. problem. I have been waiting 5 years now. to go to their concert. and this year is special. I planned to go this summer.. and I have the money now for a flight ticket to china and Japan. and yet. I am not sure.
Last week I went to my future unniversity. and they talked a lot there. now I know how much I will have to pay for tuition fees and living fees. I just have to make a desicion. I am really against a loan. that will be my last option. but.. If I have to pay everything this next year.. how am I ever going to see w-inds. in Japan.
you really have no idea how frustrated I am. really trying not to blame my situation. it's hard. my dear friend who is also a w-inds. fan here inthe netherlands. just feels sorry for me. altho she HAS the money to go. she isn't allowed from her parents. she said she wanted to switch, for my sake. thats really sweet.
but you know.. my life doesn't only contain my asian fandoms anymore. I also have a sweet friend who lives in the UK and I promised to go to her place in china to meet her parents and be there with her so she can show me the beauties of China. I just don't know how to say to her that I will not be going this year.. she was so exited, she even said 'my parents are so happy because you will be my first *foreign* friend" coming over. She's just the sweetest girl ever. shall I just go to see her in the UK?
uuh uuh uuh.. btw.. if you were wondering.. my hamster is doing fine! he finally stopped waking me up in the middle of the night. !
C U SOOOOON~
